Wisdom Breeds Sexual Integrity

Advertising firms say it all the time: "Sex Sells". We're surrounded by it. There is no place, with the possible exception of a monastery, where you won't be in contact with an image of a scantily clad woman or some other inappropriate image to assault you. For many men, it's as difficult an addiction to break as smoking, drinking, or drugs. At the end of this article I'm going to step away from my normal routine and post some good links and resources for the men out there struggling with impure thoughts, pornography, or other sorts of sexual immorality.

Proverbs 2:16-17 tells us that the wisdom of God will save us from the adulteress, and Proverbs 2:18-19 warns us of the dangers of falling into the trap of adultery. Many men have this idea that they can look, but not touch. Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, however, that just looking at a woman lustfully is adultery. Exodus 20:14 says very simply and plainly, "You shall not commit adultery."

It's an easy thing to make excuses for: "it's natural". Man is born naturally to commit sin, we have been born into a sin nature. God has redeemed us from our sin through the death of Jesus Christ that we might have freedom from the nature of sin if we will commit our lives fully into His hands and allow Him to renew our minds. To continue to willfully commit sin after accepting the salvation freely given to us is to trample on the blood of Jesus Christ, placing that sin higher in importance than God. Romans 6:1-7 tells us we have died to sin in the death of Jesus Christ and have been raised up with Him a new creature through baptism.

It is only through the working of the Holy Spirit that our hearts can be changed and that we will have a new way of thinking. For some, it's a long, slow road to recovery, while others have an instantaneous change in their heart. Every man I have known who has struggled with pornography and sexual immorality has also struggled with guilt, shame, and fear over their tendencies, and almost every man I've known has had at least some issue with it, you aren't alone. However, God doesn't intend for us to live in fear of being caught, in shame of our actions, or with guilt over our pasts. God will forgive us and free us from the chains that bind us.

If you or a friend is struggling with sexual impurity, or if you aren't, but would like to learn more and understand why most men have such a difficult time with it, here is a list of resources:

1. Pure Eyes
   • This is a book by Craig Gross (founder: XXXChurch.com) and Steven Luff; Foreword by Stephen Afterburn (author: Every Man's Battle).
   • It's a great book, and has a massive amount of great information about why men are drawn to pornography, how it affects our relationship with God, how it affects our lives, and how with God's help we can take control over it.
2. Every Man's Battle
   • This a book by Stephen Afterburn and Fred Stoker.
   • I've known of several men who have read and absolutely loved this book. It's recommended by several Christian counselors as suggested reading for men struggling with sexual impurity.
3. For Men Only
   • This book is by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn, and they have a full series of wonderful books for women, men, teens, parents, etc.
   • This book goes into great detail in helping men understand why women are so upset about our male tendencies, but also contains a very good chapter on sexual impurity. I would recommend that every man read this at least once.
4. XXXChurch.com
   • This is a web site founded by Craig Gross.
   • The XXXChurch offers workshops, forums, local events, and other helpful things for men with impure sexual addictions. They take a very open and forward approach to discussing and dealing with the issues.
5. Your Pastor
   • Believe it or not, this guy can probably handle knowing that you have a problem with impure sexual behavior. Chances are high that he already has a pretty good idea anyway. He'll have the time to sit down and work out the issues with you and help you to be accountable and give you spiritual guidance and prayer. For more ideas of people you can and should talk to, see: Buddy System

Sinning in Secret

Do you do things in secret thinking that nobody knows? You hide the guilt and shame by actively participating in you church or religious organization, but deep down you just feel rotten? Thinking that nobody will find out is -at it's very best- a completely unfounded hope. Thinking you can hide it from God, your Creator, is simply ludicrous. But yet many men repeatedly conspire to hide their shortcoming or their "guilty pleasures" from the world, thinking that nobody will ever know.

Apparently, the selling of land and donating to the church was a common practice as a sort of "fund-raiser" in the early New Testament church (Acts 4:34-35). Ananias in Acts 5:1-2 conspired with his wife to sell a piece of land and say that they were giving all the money they made to the church, but keep some of the money for themselves. But, according to Acts 5:3-4, Peter immediately knew, and confronted Ananias about his lie. Then, upon hearing Peter's truthful accusation, Ananias fell down dead (Acts 5:5-6).

It's important to note that at this point in the story, already a good number of people have found out about the treachery. Most importantly, it's important to note that God already knew, and Ananias was severely punished. Acts 5:7-10 continues the story, with Sapphira (Ananias' wife) coming into the church three hours later, not yet knowing her husband was dead. She also lies, and she also falls down dead.

The story unfolds from the very beginning as a man, the spiritual leader of his home, incites his family to lie. From that one secret sin they thought that nobody would ever know, both he and his wife died. It's important to remember that there are consequences when we sin, even when they aren't immediately apparent. The last half of Numbers 32:23 is often repeated, but has been proven true time and again, "You may be sure that your sin will find you out."

Gentle Joy and Peace

Does you have joy in everything you do? Think back to the last time you did something you know you shouldn't have; did that bring true joy to you, or did it drag you down? How long did it take you to get back up, or are you still struggling? Philippians 4:4-5 tells us God is near, and we should rejoice in Him always. Can you rejoice in the Lord while doing something that drags you down spiritually?

Then, after you realize that you've sinned yet again, you wring your hands and worry; you worry about getting caught, worry about whether or not God will forgive you yet again, worry that it won't be the last time. But Philippians 4:6-7 tells us not to worry about anything, but to talk to God about everything and His peace will guard our hearts and minds. His peace will be our shield if we'll stop worrying and just turn our problems over to God.

The last two verses of this section, Philippians 4:8-9, then gives us the most simplified version of everything that the entire Bible contains and teaches. If we all practiced just these two verses, and truly lived by them, we would have nothing to worry about. I love the last sentence there, "And the God of peace will be with you." Not "He might be" or "He'll occasionally be", but "He will be".

If you're having problems, struggling with addiction, or you've got worries weighing you down, I would encourage you to write down these verses somewhere where you'll always see them or commit them to memory. When Satan comes to try to drag you back into sin, into worry, or take away your joy, repeat them to yourself. It's a promise in the Word of God, and you can count on it in your life.

"Floating" Fish

I've been working on setting up a new aquarium. The interesting thing about adding fish to an aquarium is the means by which you normally add them so that they don't die. You usually get your fish in plastic bags from the fish store, and you first dump off about a quarter of the pet store water, and add that much of your tank water back to the bag. Then you reseal the bag, and drop it in the water. Every 10 minutes you add another cup of your water to the bag for 30 minutes. Then you take the fish out of the bags and put them in the aquarium.

This process is call acclimation; the fish become acclimated to your water. It's how fish get accustomed to the different chemicals in your water that wasn't in the pet store water. In this process, I recognize a pattern that the devil often uses in our lives. Often, we're stuck with having to "just deal" with a little bit of ungodliness. Then a little bit later, after we've gotten used to that, we go for some more. Next thing you know, we're swimming free in the water that would have killed us just a short time ago.

Romans 12:2 says that we shouldn't conform to the world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. We don't have to just let someone watch dirty movies while we're around, or gossip to us, or tell us dirty jokes. Those are the patterns of the world, "Oh, that guy just always tells dirty jokes and I just shrug it off and go on."

Our minds are supposed to be being renewed, we shouldn't be thinking like that any more, and we don't have to listen, watch, or participate in those things just because we're not in our own home. We shouldn't participate in anything that we wouldn't participate in at church. Let's not allow ourselves to be made into the pattern of the world, let's seek God in everything we do, so that we will be found as faithful servants.

The Way of the Thief

Proverbs 1:10 gives one of the most generalized and greatest pieces of information any person could give another: resist sinful temptation and peer pressure. Acts 2:40 gives a similar message. In Proverbs 1:11-14 we see a very short description of someone tempting another with ill-gotten gain. Jesus gives a similar narrative in Luke 10:27-37, citing that we should love our neighbor as ourselves, and demonstrating that anyone you meet qualifies as your neighbor.

Then Proverbs 1:15-16 goes on to say that we shouldn't even associate ourselves with these people. They are dangerous, and they will as quickly turn on you for their gain as they have turned you on others. An interesting example then is used in Proverbs 1:17-18, "How useless to spread a net in full view of all the birds!" These men have been warned openly of the penalty for their ways, yet they continue to be snared by their desires. The net has been laid out in full view of them, and yet they run to the bait with no thought of self-restraint. "They waylay themselves!"

Finally, Proverbs 1:19 finishes saying that this is how all ill-gotten gain ends, with the loss of ones life. Now sure, many people get things by many unscrupulous ways and live to a ripe old age. The Bible says, "The wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23). We cannot serve sin and have eternal life. We must steer clear of those who would tempt us into such a foolish trap, and thus cause us to lose all that is most important in life.

Being "Good"

Proverbs 12:2 tells us that the Lord delights in us if we are good. So how can we be "good"? It stands to reason that if God delights in a good man, that this is an attainable goal. The word "good in the context is literally the loosest version of the word. It is just "not intentionally doing wrong".

So if we keep from intentionally doing wrong, God will delight in us. But no man is without sin, and sin by it's very definition is a willful transgression against God. So then, the only thing we can do is to be purified by the blood of Jesus Christ and let the God sanctify us. To be sanctified is to make holy, to purify, or to consecrate.

The definition of consecrate is to give up entirely to some person or purpose. Ephesians 5:26 tells us that Christ sanctifies and cleanses us with the washing of water by the word. When we give ourselves entirely to Him, He bathes us in His truth. We become a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:12), our old sins and habits are taken away and replaced by new habit and good things.

Is this something that we can in ourselves do? Romans 3:10-18 tells us that nobody does good; we are a bitter mess of sin and ruin. But Romans 3:22-26 tells us that our justification and salvation from our wrongdoing lies in Jesus Christ whose blood was shed for us. It is only by turning our whole being over to Christ that we can become a new and "good" creature.

I pray daily that I will give myself entirely over to Christ; it is a daily struggle. The old man still desires to take back what was once his. In 1 Corinthians 9:27, Paul tells us that he has to beat his body into subjection so that he isn't "disqualified for the prize". He has to fight the old man that still wants to do the things the old man did. If Paul, who is one of the most well-known and read authors of the New Testament had to struggle against this, how could we dare to say that we ourselves have no struggles with our old man?

The Beginning of Compromise

In the last post I wrote, we examined the result of Lot's hesitation and bartering with God. We saw how the ultimate result was that Lot ended up exactly where God told him to go in the first place, but that he lost people that he was responsible for by not leading his family in the way God had appointed. But how did Lot get to the position he was in? When did this all come about?

In Genesis 13:5-8 we see that Abraham and Lot's herdsmen were fighting over the land, because between the two of them they had too much stuff for the land to support them. So Abraham decides that it would be best to separate in Genesis 13:8, and gives Lot the choice of where to go in Genesis 13:9.

And Lot chose the plain of the Jordan, where Sodom and Gomorrah were (Genesis 13:10-11). We see in Genesis 13:12 that Abraham went to Canaan, but Lot had ignored that the land he had chosen was already corrupted by sin, and chose to pitch his tents near it. We know that God already knew how this was going to end, because in Genesis 13:14 God promised all of the land to Abraham, even the land that Lot had chosen.

By the time we get to Genesis 14:12, Lot had moved from having his tents near Sodom, and was now living "in" Sodom. Sodom was overthrown and Abraham rescued the people and their goods (Genesis 14:11-17). We see that Abraham was already aware of the problems, and in Genesis 14:21-24 that Abraham refused to take anything that the king of Sodom offered as a reward. It is never uplifting to God when a man profits from service to the world, or from service to sin. According to Genesis 14:18-19 Abraham paid tithes to Melchizedek though, whom Abraham had also rescued.

So we can see through this that Lot's problems had arisen a long time before he lost his wife to sin. We see that Lot chose something that looked good, ignoring the taint of sin. And once he had chosen to possess the land containing sin, he pitched his tents right next to it, eventually moving into it himself. Whatever the sin in our lives that we've chosen to pitch our tents next to, we need to remove it from our land, or we're going to end up living in it. We must as men for the sake of our families remove all sin from around us, not ignore it because everything around it looks pretty. If we can't eradicate it from our land, then we need to get as far from it as we can, fleeing to the mountain.