Responsibility of Provision

Are you your brother's keeper? What about the rest of your relatives? According to 1 Timothy 5:8 we are to provide, not just for our immediate family, but also for our relatives in need as well. According to this verse, to fail to provide for your family is to be worse than an unbeliever.

We as men have been given the responsibility to provide for our families. This provision is not limited to just food, a roof, and clothing, but extends to emotional and physical provision as well. Any time we start taking time away from the provisions of our family's emotional needs to try to "get ahead in life", we are betraying them for something far less important.

Sometimes, as men, it's easy for us to get caught up in providing for "a need" and leaving all the rest of the needs of our family behind. We choose to work 80 hours a week to provide for them monetarily, but we completely fail them in every other area because we're never there for them. We stop working to stay home and spend time with the family, lose our jobs and fail to provide for them monetarily. We get caught up in addictive behaviors that prevent us from providing for the needs of our family.

It's a very delicate balance that we as leaders must maintain, but with God's help it is possible. Often, if we'll take more time to pray with our families, all these things will more easily fall into place. If you find yourself having a hard time balancing things, talk about it. Talk to your family about their needs, and pray together about it. God will honor your prayer and faith in him, and your keeping of His commands.

The Buddy System: Healthy Listening

If someone comes up to you and suddenly begins telling you the story of how they've fallen into sin, what do you do? The first thing you need to do is examine what you can do. Luke 6:39 says that if the blind lead the blind, they'll both soon end up in the ditch. If you're struggling with the same thing that this person is confiding in you that they are struggling with, you very likely aren't qualified to help them. Mutually agree to pray for each other, and move on. An alcoholic should not hang out in bars or a drug addict with users. We are faced enough by our demons daily that we do not need the additional weight of another's confession to drag us further into the pit of our own despair. Rather, we should agree to pray for that person and then encourage them to seek another confidant who is able to guide and help them.

If we are qualified to guide this person seeking our confidence, we need to pay very close attention to the words of Romans 15:1-2, 7. Remember that Christ accepted us when we were not only addicted to the works of the flesh, but He accepted us before we even knew who He was. Romans 5:8 points out that Christ died for us while we were still sinners. Accept that this person is openly acknowledging their need to confess their shortcomings to someone and receive guidance and prayer as James 5:16 instructs us all to do.

Don't belittle or mock the ones that would come to you for guidance and prayer. Don't put them down or try to make them feel inferior for their faults. This attitude is prideful and boastful, and is not in the spirit of Christ. Proverbs 16:18 warns us of our own destruction when we take an attitude of pride. 1 John 4:7-21 is the most amazing example of how we should treat our fellow man and how we should judge him. 1 John 4:15 says that if a man confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwells in him. Knowing that God lives in the one who comes to us for guidance, how will we treat them?

Since God lives in us, and He lives in the one who has come to us for guidance, we know that God is already present in our conversation. He is watching us through the windows of our soul. How will we show His love? How will we keep His commandments? Matthew 18:18-20 says that if two bind anything on earth it will be bound by God, and if two release something on earth it is released by God.

Therefore, we ought to primarily pray together that the thing that troubles the one coming to us for guidance might be resolved. Whether that thing is an addiction needing bound, or a freedom needing loosed, if we agree on that thing, it will be done. We should search the Scriptures together in prayer, learning what God has to say about our troubles. We should give counsel in the spirit of 2 Timothy 2:15-16, 19, 23-26. Thank God that He guides us as is shown in Ephesians 6:18-20 to know what to say and when we need to say it.

The Buddy System: Healthy Sharing

Again beginning in James 5:16, we see that there is still much more to learn about this "confessing our sins one to another". The main thing to point out here in this post is that the Bible doesn't say "describe the circumstances that caused you to sin". There's no call or reason to define all of the circumstances surrounding a sin that you've committed, as it rarely does anyone any good at all to hear this, but more often causes someone else to stumble as well. 1 Corinthians 15:33 clearly defines this. We shouldn't be lifting up the thing that caused us to fall; we shouldn't exalt the very cause of our stumble. Rather, we should admit that we have fallen and exalt God for His forgiveness and ask for His healing.

This idea of healthy sharing is in the spirit of Ecclesiastes 4:8-12, in that, a person who is utterly alone has nobody to help him up but himself; if things get bad and he needs comfort or warmth, only he can provide that for himself. All the way from the very beginning of time, God has recognized in man the need of confiding in others. In the beginning of time, God walked with Adam in the Garden of Eden, but still thought that man needed the companionship of another human (Genesis 3:8, 2:18). In Genesis 2:18 God acknowledges that man needed someone to be with him, and so God made a woman for him. One of the best people to be able to confide in is your wife. If you cannot be honest with your wife, how can you be honest with God or even another man?

Certainly, another man may be able to better understand the things we're facing, our emotions, reactions, or behaviors. A man who has gone through what we're going through, or a man who has stared down our particular demon and came out victorious through the grace of God will better be able to guide us. We still need to be open and honest with those around us as well. Hiding something and lying about it are two of the primary things that keep us trapped in our sin, returning to it over and over again. Admitting our faults, coming clean with ourselves and another is the first step toward a new spiritual freedom.

The Buddy System: Be a Buddy

When we look at James 5:16, we have to look at the inverse implication of the verse as well. Obviously, in a church of even 100 people, the pastor will not be able to be everyone's "buddy". I haven't a doubt in my mind that this concept has occurred to him, and he will try to the bitter end to do so, but it isn't physically or emotionally possible. With just 100 people, a single person would have an average of 3 people call him every day with their problems. That's not including time to prepare sermons, visit the sick, and all the other things that the pastor does that you don't even realize he does.

So, it's also our responsibility to be that friend for someone else. We all NEED someone to talk to, to share our shortcomings and failures with. We need another man who understands and can help us, guide us, and pray with us. But once we reach a point where we're strong enough we need to be willing to BE that person for someone else. It isn't always easy or fun. Sometimes it quite plainly just stinks. But whether we like it or not, other people will at some point as we grow be looking at us as that person that they look up to as a man strong in the Lord.

When that someone reaches out to you for that guidance and that prayer, when someone reaches out to you and shares that failure, don't laugh at them, don't poke fun, and don't gossip. Accept them, accept their problem, and let them know that you care and understand what they're going through. Offer to pray with them. Proverbs 18:24 tells us that a man that has friends must also be friendly. If we expect someone else to guide us and pray with us, we should be equally as willing to do that for another man. Don't let them share to the point of dragging you down, and don't ask them to. You don't need to know the every detail of their failure.

If you don't know how to help someone who comes to you, there are lots of things that you can do. First and foremost, the single most important thing you can do is pray with them and for them. After that, if they want or need advice that you can't offer, refer them to someone you trust who you believe can, maybe even your buddy. If you refer them to your buddy, it's often helpful to explain to them that the person you're referring them to is the person that YOU go to when you have problems. Maybe you can introduce them to your buddy and have a group lunch or something. Don't turn them away though, whatever else you do. Make sure to show them the love and respect you would want if you were in their same situation.

The Buddy System: Find a Buddy

One of the biggest problems that I see in men these days is a complete lack of people they can talk to. I'm not talking about the poker buddies, or the guys you get together with to watch the game; I'm talking about someone you can sit down with and tell them honestly what's going on in your life. James 5:16 tells us that we need to be able to call on others when you're in trouble or when you've done wrong and that we'll be forgiven. Every man I know who is having serious issues in his life and has no hope at all of fixing them has plenty of friends and co-workers, and not a single person in whom they confide. Often, the men are so out of touch with everyone that even their own family and wife are excluded from any meaningful and truthful communication.

Now, I'm not saying you need to find some guy in your church and tell him how bad your life is, and that's not what the passage is saying either. We as men need someone that we can rely on though as an example, someone who has already experienced a lot of the things we're going through, and someone who can guide us in our walk with God in times of weakness. I have a friend that I've known for about 17 years, and now that we're both saved and going to church, he is my "buddy" in this respect. When I'm having a problem or dealing with a weakness in my life, I can call him up and talk to him about it.

When I call him up, the point isn't to describe in detail the problem, as that just drags your buddy down, and pretty soon both of you are stuck in the mud. All that needs said is "Hey, I've got this problem" and just let the buddy know what the problem is. Then ask them to pray with you about it, and keep you in their prayers. When I'm dealing with an addictive problem or something that requires a little more vigilance, I can have my buddy check up on me. I don't want him to put me down, just make sure I'm sticking with whatever it is, and help pick me up if I've started to fall.

As a New Year's resolution, I would encourage each of you to find a buddy. Find someone in your church or a friend that you have enough confidence in to share your shortcomings with. If you can't find anyone, you probably aren't looking very hard; man up and go talk to somebody. If you can't find anyone else, your pastors or Sunday School teachers would likely be happy to help you out. Church deacons and board members are good choices, too. Pick someone you view as strong in the Lord, and just talk to them. This is very important in being a man of integrity. Don't fail!