Wisdom Breeds Sexual Integrity

Advertising firms say it all the time: "Sex Sells". We're surrounded by it. There is no place, with the possible exception of a monastery, where you won't be in contact with an image of a scantily clad woman or some other inappropriate image to assault you. For many men, it's as difficult an addiction to break as smoking, drinking, or drugs. At the end of this article I'm going to step away from my normal routine and post some good links and resources for the men out there struggling with impure thoughts, pornography, or other sorts of sexual immorality.

Proverbs 2:16-17 tells us that the wisdom of God will save us from the adulteress, and Proverbs 2:18-19 warns us of the dangers of falling into the trap of adultery. Many men have this idea that they can look, but not touch. Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, however, that just looking at a woman lustfully is adultery. Exodus 20:14 says very simply and plainly, "You shall not commit adultery."

It's an easy thing to make excuses for: "it's natural". Man is born naturally to commit sin, we have been born into a sin nature. God has redeemed us from our sin through the death of Jesus Christ that we might have freedom from the nature of sin if we will commit our lives fully into His hands and allow Him to renew our minds. To continue to willfully commit sin after accepting the salvation freely given to us is to trample on the blood of Jesus Christ, placing that sin higher in importance than God. Romans 6:1-7 tells us we have died to sin in the death of Jesus Christ and have been raised up with Him a new creature through baptism.

It is only through the working of the Holy Spirit that our hearts can be changed and that we will have a new way of thinking. For some, it's a long, slow road to recovery, while others have an instantaneous change in their heart. Every man I have known who has struggled with pornography and sexual immorality has also struggled with guilt, shame, and fear over their tendencies, and almost every man I've known has had at least some issue with it, you aren't alone. However, God doesn't intend for us to live in fear of being caught, in shame of our actions, or with guilt over our pasts. God will forgive us and free us from the chains that bind us.

If you or a friend is struggling with sexual impurity, or if you aren't, but would like to learn more and understand why most men have such a difficult time with it, here is a list of resources:

1. Pure Eyes
   • This is a book by Craig Gross (founder: XXXChurch.com) and Steven Luff; Foreword by Stephen Afterburn (author: Every Man's Battle).
   • It's a great book, and has a massive amount of great information about why men are drawn to pornography, how it affects our relationship with God, how it affects our lives, and how with God's help we can take control over it.
2. Every Man's Battle
   • This a book by Stephen Afterburn and Fred Stoker.
   • I've known of several men who have read and absolutely loved this book. It's recommended by several Christian counselors as suggested reading for men struggling with sexual impurity.
3. For Men Only
   • This book is by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn, and they have a full series of wonderful books for women, men, teens, parents, etc.
   • This book goes into great detail in helping men understand why women are so upset about our male tendencies, but also contains a very good chapter on sexual impurity. I would recommend that every man read this at least once.
4. XXXChurch.com
   • This is a web site founded by Craig Gross.
   • The XXXChurch offers workshops, forums, local events, and other helpful things for men with impure sexual addictions. They take a very open and forward approach to discussing and dealing with the issues.
5. Your Pastor
   • Believe it or not, this guy can probably handle knowing that you have a problem with impure sexual behavior. Chances are high that he already has a pretty good idea anyway. He'll have the time to sit down and work out the issues with you and help you to be accountable and give you spiritual guidance and prayer. For more ideas of people you can and should talk to, see: Buddy System

Gentle Joy and Peace

Does you have joy in everything you do? Think back to the last time you did something you know you shouldn't have; did that bring true joy to you, or did it drag you down? How long did it take you to get back up, or are you still struggling? Philippians 4:4-5 tells us God is near, and we should rejoice in Him always. Can you rejoice in the Lord while doing something that drags you down spiritually?

Then, after you realize that you've sinned yet again, you wring your hands and worry; you worry about getting caught, worry about whether or not God will forgive you yet again, worry that it won't be the last time. But Philippians 4:6-7 tells us not to worry about anything, but to talk to God about everything and His peace will guard our hearts and minds. His peace will be our shield if we'll stop worrying and just turn our problems over to God.

The last two verses of this section, Philippians 4:8-9, then gives us the most simplified version of everything that the entire Bible contains and teaches. If we all practiced just these two verses, and truly lived by them, we would have nothing to worry about. I love the last sentence there, "And the God of peace will be with you." Not "He might be" or "He'll occasionally be", but "He will be".

If you're having problems, struggling with addiction, or you've got worries weighing you down, I would encourage you to write down these verses somewhere where you'll always see them or commit them to memory. When Satan comes to try to drag you back into sin, into worry, or take away your joy, repeat them to yourself. It's a promise in the Word of God, and you can count on it in your life.

Friendly Wisdom

Do you listen when God speaks to you? You may say, ...but God doesn't speak to me." God speaks to those who are willing to hear His voice. Last week we read in Proverbs 2:1-2 about listening to the voice of wisdom, seeking it as a treasure. Proverbs 2:10 carries on this message about seeking wisdom. It says you will find wisdom, and knowledge will be pleasant to you. This parallels Matthew 7:7 as well as Luke 11:9, where they both say "seek and you will find".

The next verse, Proverbs 2:11, gives the basic result of this wisdom and knowledge. With wisdom comes discretion; with knowledge comes understanding. Could a man without wisdom know when to be discreet, or a man without knowledge understand even the most simple of things?

Next, we are given two sets of examples of this discretion and understanding. We're only going to look at the first one this week, and come back to the second one next Friday. Proverbs 2:12-15 talks about wicked men that wisdom will save us from. Proverbs 2:16-19 tells us about wicked women that wisdom will save us from.

If we're claim to be saved from wicked men by the wisdom and knowledge that comes from seeking God, how can we defend having close friends fitting the description of wicked men in Proverbs 2:12-15? Likewise, if we're close friends with other men fitting that description, how likely are we to spend time earnestly praying and seeking God? We often say things like "don't judge me by the people I hang out with", but truly, the people we hang out with shows a lot about our own character.

Let us learn and strive to seek out other Godly men as our closest friends. We don't need wicked friends drawing us into things we wouldn't otherwise be involved in. The wisdom of God makes all the difference in discerning who are truly friends worthy of our friendship, and friends that are not.

"Floating" Fish

I've been working on setting up a new aquarium. The interesting thing about adding fish to an aquarium is the means by which you normally add them so that they don't die. You usually get your fish in plastic bags from the fish store, and you first dump off about a quarter of the pet store water, and add that much of your tank water back to the bag. Then you reseal the bag, and drop it in the water. Every 10 minutes you add another cup of your water to the bag for 30 minutes. Then you take the fish out of the bags and put them in the aquarium.

This process is call acclimation; the fish become acclimated to your water. It's how fish get accustomed to the different chemicals in your water that wasn't in the pet store water. In this process, I recognize a pattern that the devil often uses in our lives. Often, we're stuck with having to "just deal" with a little bit of ungodliness. Then a little bit later, after we've gotten used to that, we go for some more. Next thing you know, we're swimming free in the water that would have killed us just a short time ago.

Romans 12:2 says that we shouldn't conform to the world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. We don't have to just let someone watch dirty movies while we're around, or gossip to us, or tell us dirty jokes. Those are the patterns of the world, "Oh, that guy just always tells dirty jokes and I just shrug it off and go on."

Our minds are supposed to be being renewed, we shouldn't be thinking like that any more, and we don't have to listen, watch, or participate in those things just because we're not in our own home. We shouldn't participate in anything that we wouldn't participate in at church. Let's not allow ourselves to be made into the pattern of the world, let's seek God in everything we do, so that we will be found as faithful servants.

Wise Counsel

Do you make all your decisions willy-nilly? Are you constantly finding out after the fact that you made the wrong choice? Well we've got what you need. Get yourself a brand-new, never used, Wise Counsel. Just the people you need to ask before making those big decisions! Now for the low price of....

This may sound like an infomercial, but it turns out this is a real problem for a lot of men. Too often they let pride get in the way and don't ask for help. The older I get the more I find that if a decision can affect me very much at all, then it's worth taking to God and a small group of people that I feel are wise. Proverbs 15:22 makes it clear that wise counsel is important to any plans. When you really think about it why would you make those decisions alone? You have the wisdom of God to help you.

The flip-side of this coin is that if you never USE your wise counsel it's pointless to ask them for advice. If you seek wise counsel every time something comes up and don't listen to the wise counsel, you've wasted their time. Proverbs 12:15 says "The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice." So the next time you ask for advice, ensure the people you ask are truly wise, and then follow it.

Dwelling with God

What are the advantages to living close to God? Too often, we "serve" God from habit, or we only serve God when we can clearly see that it's beneficial to us. However, serving God is always beneficial to us. In Psalms 5:4-6 we find that no evil person can be close to God.

David says in Psalms 5:7 how we are to approach God. First, David recognizes God's complete control. It is only by God's mercy that we are allowed to approach Him. Second, David shows humility in bowing down. Bowing down is an outward way to show servitude to another. This is how we should always approach God: recognizing His supreme authority and showing our humility in service to Him.

Then, after showing the manner in which he has approached God, David makes his request in Psalms 5:8. David asks for only one thing: guidance. He asks God to lead him. He doesn't try to tell God where he wants to go. He doesn't ask God to lead him to a particular place. He just asks God to lead him and leaves the destination up to God.

These are two of the greatest advantages of serving God: protection and guidance. By living close to God at all times, we know that we are protected from evil; we're protected by God because in His presence no evil can dwell. By living close to God at all times, we are able to follow Him where He leads us. There is nothing more important in our lives than following God's will.

Introduction To Proverbs

The Daily Man will be doing a Friday series on Proverbs. Every Friday, we will examine a portion of the book, and see what wisdom we can glean from it.

Proverbs 1:1 starts the book off with the signature of the author, Solomon. Solomon was the wisest king to have ever lived. 1 Kings 3:5-14 give us a brief overview of where the wisdom of Solomon came from. His wisdom came from seeking the face of God. 1 Kings 10:24 says that people came from all around to hear the wisdom of Solomon.

Proverbs 1:2-6 gives us an overview of all of the things we can gain from studying this single important book of the Bible. We can gain: wisdom, discipline, prudence, knowledge, discretion, guidance. It will help us: understand words of insight, do what is right, just, and fair, understand proverbs, parables, and the sayings and riddles of the wise. Can a greater and broader insight into so many things have ever been written?

The very beginning of this book tempts us with such learning that it's difficult not to continue reading, and if you want to you are certainly welcome to read ahead. We're going to be going step-by-step through the entire book, however long that may take, and there's no harm in being prepared for the next Friday's topic. It will be an exciting journey through some of the most revealing and relevant writings man has ever known.